Friday, December 6, 2013


I love it. I love my husband and my baby boy who is so sweet to his mama. I love the hugs, the kisses, the trains and the giggles. But right now, I'm struggling. I'm guilt stricken for even feeling the way I do but my heart hurts. I've spent the evening looking at scenes from Canyon's early days. My heart is so full of gratitude for the cute little man I have and those sweet moments, but it aches for the other littles ones I long for and I can't help but wonder what I've done wrong. I'm far from a perfect mother but I love that little man more than life itself.

I'm sorry for the depressing post. I guess things just don't go as planned and learning to love the way it turns out is part of the journey. Having a good attitude is easy 98% of the time, but the other 2% is so so hard. I wish I knew how it was going to turn out, prepare myself. I wish it was simple. But it's not. And there's no use complaining or crying about it. I just need to push through and enjoy all the blessings I have, because I have a heck of a lot of them.

Thanks for stinking around and for the support. I need every last drop of hope I can get. And I'm officially banning myself from looking at baby pictures at midnight....