I really want to express the joy I have found in motherhood. It's something you just don't understand until you find yourself holding your child; cuddling him, soothing him, loving him. I have a new found appreciation for my own mother, my parents. As I hold my little Canyon, I want nothing more then him to be as strong as one of the stripling warriors of the Book of Mormon. I hope to instill faith in his heart like the mothers of those warriors did.
"Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."
Yesterday, I attended the funeral service of Elder Mckay Choy Burrows. Elder Burrows died with his companion in their apartment in Romania of a natural gas leak. The stake president who set Mckay apart as a missionary told us about how Mckay's mother came to him after the setting apart and asked if her son would return alive. Oh the love of a mother. I can't imagine the pain she has felt in the last week. I look at my Canyon and ache for her.
It's quite a blessing to be a mom...a blessing I have enjoyed so much in the last two weeks and will continue to enjoy. I'm not sure what people were talking about when they told me that "as soon as he comes out you'll want him to go back in." There hasn't been one moment, not even during the long sleepless nights, that I have wanted him to return to the womb. I can't imagine life without his sweet spirit.