Half Way? An IVF update

Sick of this yet? Don't you fret, it's almost over. I promise I'm not offended if you decide to stop reading, I guess this is mostly so I don't forget how it all went down.

So, today marks what we are assuming is halfway done with the stimulation injections: Follistim and Menopur. Both are used to stimulate the ovaries to start maturing tons of follicles. On Monday, after 3 rounds of injections, I had a blood draw in the office to check the estrogen levels and such. Pretty much checking to see how well my body is responding to the stims. The phleb usually says something along the lines of no news is good news. Well 5:55pm rolled around and I got a call. The first thing I said to Danica (who I totally love, one of my favorites over at UFC) was "Oh no something is wrong!". She totally laughed at me. No joke. Danica said I'm responding TOO well to the meds and the cut my dose of follistim in half.

Now here's a little side note. I have PCOS. You already know this but its kind of a big deal when it comes to stimulating the ovaries. What a Reproductive Endocrinologist worries about with PCOS patients isn't really pregnancy, once you get to the IVF point, but causing OHSS; Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, read more here. If the OHSS is severe enough it is grounds to cancel the transfer of fresh embryos and start all over and do a frozen embryo transfer. We DON'T want that to happen. So the fact that they are paying such close attention to my levels is a blessing and I'm grateful to have such a great team working to keep things running smoothly.

Tomorrow I'm scheduled for another blood draw and my first, post-stim ultrasound. It's a little crazy how excited I am about the ultrasound but I can't wait to see how many follicles are developing. We'll also have a better idea when our egg retrieval will be. Right now we are aiming for Wednesday Marc
h 26th, but depending on how quickly, or slowly, the follicle mature that day can move.

Things are going so well. I am a little scared to have to much hope and excitement but it's hard not to. I have to keep reminding myself to calm down, relax and enjoy the journey.

Glad I have all of you along for the ride.

First morning of injections, reconstituting the Menopur before injecting. 6:30am and the dogs think it's time to get up...

Hoops

I've been working with a nursing program for about and year and a half. I was completely qualified to start their program in February of 2013 but finances were tight and we weren't sure it was the right time (is it ever the right time to go back to school?). My amazing job at the hospital offers tuition reimbursement so we've decided that it's totally a possibility. I was all lined up to start March 1st when I found out I had missed a hoop.

In October of 2012, they had waived the need for a public speaking class since I already had a degree. Turns out they changed that 4 months ago but forgot to let students who had already applied know. Searching for quick ways to get out of it (hey I took a COMM class called mediation and I'm a court registered mediator, can that count??) and my only feesible option was to take a DSST exam to test out of it. Guess what? The closest testing center that offers it, a whoppin 2 hours and 9 minutes away. Yeah. Great. 

Today was the day. I've been studying for a month and a half and I'll admit I was STRESSED. I mean add an exam and a long drive to my 4 in a row work week, relief society brunch I need to plan and starting IVF and you've got yourself a basket case. 

My amazing aunt agreed to watch my little man so I could set out to jump through the "hoop". 

I made good time, until switching from I-15 to a smaller (but still divided-2 lanes on each side) highway. I hadn't seen a posted speed limit and assumed it was 65mph. I was going 5 over...pretty standard right? Wrong... It went a little like this...

Turns out I was actually going 10mph over the limit. The officer was SO kind and hurried to give me my ticket so I could make my test... 

The test went fantastic. My over studying really paid off and the questions were much simpler than I had imagined. I sure love the free resources on the internet. I really couldn't have done it with out high speed internet. 

I shouldn't get too arrogant, official results won't come for 3-6 weeks but I feel great about it all. 

Thank heavens this was the last nursing hoop I have to jump through before the program starts June 1st ( believe me, I triple checked with the advisor). Definitely a ton of stress off my back.

Now for my four in a row, brunch and some serious hormone shots! 

Getting real

Loud knock on the door today. The dogs were certain it was a home invasion. It was just the fed ex guy delivering the medications.

Meds. Lots and lots of meds. Like an overwhelming amount of fertility meds. 

This is happening. Deep breaths, people, deep breaths. Here we go....

Last day...

...of February! 

Excuse my excitement. I am not the biggest fan of the first two months of the year. Each year I promise myself I'll enjoy them and then I don't. Maybe if we were in a warmer climate (hint hint, Zach). 

This year I'm especially excited for March. Aside from the usual reasons, this is the month. I have been anticipating this March for what seems like an eternity. It's finally here. This is In Vitro month. I may be excited but I also have a healthy dose of fear, anxiety and apprehension. To be honest, I'm ready. Ready for the good, the bad and even the ugly if I have to take it; so long as I don't have to wait any more. 

The calendar. I've had this since the beginning of January. Oh how I love that it's hanging on my fridge, ready to get me ready for little ones. 

So, in celebration of the joyous changing of months, Canyon and I decided to go outside and capture the beautiful life we have right now. I love it. Every single bit. Even the hard, icky stuff. I wouldn't wish infertility on a single soul but we are here and we are dealing with it and it hasn't changed the good things. Not one bit. 

The big 4!

 You hear it every time a little one has a birthday but this year I really really feel it. I can't believe he's 4. It's just so....BIG. After the last three parties I've thrown for the little dude, we decided to keep it a little more low key this year. Grandma and Grandpa Russell came and brought one of Canyon's favorites, Bethanie!

Saturday (the day before the actual DAY) we rode the train to Salt Lake. Canyon has asked almost every day for the last year if we could go on a train ride so it seemed fitting. It was so adorable to see them running to get on the train.

As expected, Canyon LOVED the train. He was in absolute awe the whole time. He of course left some time for some silly selfies with Aunt Bea (and my mom couldn't help but photo-bomb them). The train had several stops and each time Canyon started to get up with a sad face ready to get off. He was so excited when we'd tell him it wasn't time yet.

I was totally impressed by the train. It was so clean and quiet and not at all what I expected. I'd love to use it more often. If only they had it extended down to Spanish Fork so we could use it for our commute.

 In Salt lake we walked to the Gateway Mall and took the kids to Discovery Gateway. It's a fun little children's museum and it kept the two busy for a few hours. We had taken a ton more pictures but nearly none of them turned out. Canyon was in heaven. After the museum we stopped to get some Rocky Mountain Chocolate factory goodies (which were subsequently dropped at the train station....sad day) and walked back to the train. Back in Provo we decided to go get some of Canyon's favorite food....PIZZA.











Sunday was C's actually birthday. We baked a cake and just had an all around fun, quiet day. He was so excited for the cake, but when I started to cut him a piece he got all upset and said, "No mom, I want to eat it like this," and dipped his finger into the frosting. After cutting everyone else a slice that's how C ate the rest of the cake. It's his day you know?

I am so excited for my little man. I love him and I love watching him grow and learn new things. His favorite new words are "strange" and "interesting" and he loves loves loves to talk. Apparently he got that from me... He talks to me daily about having a "baby boy and a baby girl" in our family and can't wait for the day he can share his toys with another little one. I'm one lucky mama.

Behind

WAAAAYYYY behind.

That would be me.

I really wanted to write another post quickly after that last, oh so depressing one. Alas, it did not happen. So lets play a little catch up.

Anniversary: Zach and I celebrated 5 years on December 13th. I'm not going to lie, this is my favorite "holiday" of the year. I so look forward to a night out with my mister right. After the things we have overcome this year it felt so good to go out enjoy our favorite restaurant and just act like newly weds.

Christmas: Completely and utterly amazing. Nothing like food, family and fun to make things bright and cheery. Each year I find myself increasingly emotional about the season. I so love celebrating the birth of my Savior and all he means to me. It's even better teaching my little dude about Christ.

And now it's a whole new year. Filled with new adventures, challenges and excitement. How is it that the start of a new year really makes you feel fresh and clean, like you can shake all the baggage from the previous and start again? Zach and I didn't make a list of resolutions but we are continuing some of the changes we made last year. We've been doing so well eating healthy so we'll keep that up and Zach is still training for his marathon in June. His ultimate goal is to run 1500 miles by the end of 2014. WHAT?! I know, he's nuts. My goal is 500. Much easier....ish.

I want to say a huge Thank you for all the support that came flooding in after my last post. While I'm still having my down days, I'm focusing on all the good things I have going on.

Are you ready for the infertility update? Nothing too exciting is happening at this point. At the beginning of this month, we met with Dr. Gurtcheff at the Utah Fertility Center. Our problems are many but are easily overcome with treatments. I am starting birth control in the next week or so and will remain on the pill until March 12 at which point I'll start my injections. Yes, that means we are doing a cycle of In Vitro Fertilization. Am I scared? YES. I am nervous and excited and anxious all rolled into one ball of emotion. Fortunately I've had a few weeks to let it all sink in and my nerves are calming down quite a bit. I'm sure that's why they scheduled it all so far out...let me calm down a bit.

I have a feeling 2014 will bring good things to our little family.

Life

I love it. I love my husband and my baby boy who is so sweet to his mama. I love the hugs, the kisses, the trains and the giggles. But right now, I'm struggling. I'm guilt stricken for even feeling the way I do but my heart hurts. I've spent the evening looking at scenes from Canyon's early days. My heart is so full of gratitude for the cute little man I have and those sweet moments, but it aches for the other littles ones I long for and I can't help but wonder what I've done wrong. I'm far from a perfect mother but I love that little man more than life itself.

I'm sorry for the depressing post. I guess things just don't go as planned and learning to love the way it turns out is part of the journey. Having a good attitude is easy 98% of the time, but the other 2% is so so hard. I wish I knew how it was going to turn out, prepare myself. I wish it was simple. But it's not. And there's no use complaining or crying about it. I just need to push through and enjoy all the blessings I have, because I have a heck of a lot of them.

Thanks for stinking around and for the support. I need every last drop of hope I can get. And I'm officially banning myself from looking at baby pictures at midnight....